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Warning: MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD!

I saw two movies this weekend; both were somewhat better than I expected, but I can only recommend one of the two. Surprisingly, "Austin Powers 3" (let's just call it what it is, OK?) earns 3 stars from me. Of course it is loaded with scatological and crude humor, but no more so than than AP2. The interesting thing is that AP3 actually has something resembling a plot; not complicated or detailed, but more than the first two AP movies combined. Plot twists, too; we learn about the unique relationship between AP and Dr. Evil, and there is a surprise defection among the Evil team. Call me juvenile, but the "mole" sequences had me in tears...reminiscent of Uncle Buck's futile attempt to NOT call attention to Maisie's principal's humongous wart, but in true Austin Powers' tradition, it is taken to an extreme that you would swear couldn't be funny, and yet it is. The female lead, a real-world popular "singer" whose name is not important, does a credible job as Foxxy Cleopatra, and you've got to love her gold eyeshadow. All in all, this AP outing tops the previous two, thereby earning 3 stars.

Now for the disappointment: "Signs." It should have been called "Sighs." I suppose a generous critic would refer to this movie as "deliberately paced," but to me, it was just too long a journey and too little payoff after setting us up for truly awesome possibilities. SPOILER ALERT: Do Not Read Further if you plan to see this movie. It IS an alien invasion movie. The aliens are, in the words of one of the children being invaded, hostile. Try this: did you feel a sense of awesome wonder & edge-of-your-seat anticipation when you saw "Close Encounters of the Third Kind?" Well, "Signs" is sorta like CE3K with claustrophobia, as the protagonist (Mel Gibson, portraying a stereotypical widower) draws his already limited worldly interactions ever closer. With only 2 exceptions, Gibson, his brother, and 2 children are the only characters we meet. As the aliens invade cities all over the earth, we are confined to Gibson's rural farmhouse, with only several fleeting glimpses on the TV screen of how the rest of humanity is faring. Finally, we are subjected to one of the worst of all possible alien-invasion cliches: the "secret" vulnerability of these extraterrestrial travelers. After supposedly traveling millions of light-years in hyper-advanced spaceships, the aliens arrive to Conquer Earth and (a) bring no weapons, (b) are stymied by pantry doors, and (c) as powerless as the Wicked Witch of the West when splashed with water. WTF?? Sorry, but "Signs" just never achieved its potential.

Posted at August 4, 2002 11:28 PM