Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Yeah, you heard me. And for all of you grammar geeks out there, check this out.

I just love the word “buffalo.” The word, that is, not necessarily the creatures. I do, however, love bison, and if you think that they are the same thing: they are not. I also like the scientific term for bison: Bison Bison Bison!

OK, I rarely do this…but I’m going to get all D&D fan-like about a series of books that I have enjoyed (so to speak) since…I think 1979 or 1980. I’ve plowed through the first two trilogies a few times since then, and just began reading the first book of the NEW trilogy (quad?)…what follows is a brief peek inside my brain as I ponder the entire series…

So I’m nearing the end of the first book of the last series of the Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, and, as noted earlier, it is a bit long on the details. But it’s still cool to get reacquainted with some familiar names, locations, and species. For instance, it’s good to read about a “new” generation of Haruchai; the primary one in this book is called Stave. The Haruchai serve a different purpose in this iteration of The Land; they are still protectors, but of a different nature. And seeing the Ramen and Ranyhyn again is great. Talk of Berek and Kevin and aliantha and Mithil Stonedown and vitrim and treasure-berries - it’s like slipping on the proverbial old pair of shoes that fit so comfortably.

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But cripes almighty, what is up with Donaldson and DESPAIR? Does he have some sort of unique publishing deal where he gets paid based on the number of times he uses the word DESPAIR? We get it, already. Hellfire, we got it after the first few hundred pages in the *first* book of the *first* trilogy. VSE. Visual Self-Examination. Critical to Covenant’s leperous survival…we know, we know. Despair. Corruption. WE GET IT. Leper outcast unclean! I said, WE GET IT. Come on, Donaldson, why do you have to be so glum and down on your protagonist? Give him SOMETHING to smile about, fercryinoutloud. I mean, the overall series is cool — how can you not love Saltheart Foamfollower, and Bannor, and Mhoram, and even Nom? Grimmand Honninscrave and Cable Seadreamer - what great names! Ur-viles and Stonedownors, Trell, Elena, and other interesting people and creatures. This is good stuff, so why couldn’t Covenant have been, you know…just a little bit more upbeat about the whole damn adventure?

You know, the series might have been better if Covenant had never set foot in The Land. Just tell us some nice stories about things going on in The Land, and send a few locals on quests, and just add a little Xanth-like whimsicality to the whole series. And I am so, so, so very tired of a White Gold Wielder NOT BEING ABLE TO WIELD THE POWER. Come on, man…after so many trips to The Land, and so many encounters with Demondim-spawn and Ravers and Lord Foul and other beasties, shouldn’t Covenant - or Linden, or SOMEBODY - have figured out how to flip the “Wild Magic” switch to the ON position?

Sigh. OK, I’m better now. It’s so easy to criticize, of course, but obviously the series is worthwhile for some reason, given that I’ve devoted so many hours to it over the years. The series is good - but often despite Covenant and his never-ending well of Despair.

I’m sure many of you already grind your teeth and wince whenever you hear the following phrases, but for those of you who haven’t yet learned to speak simply, here are a few tips:

Do not use the phrase “skill set” — just say “skills.”
Do not say “price point” — just say “price.”
Don’t try to get fancy by saying “thunderstorm activity” — just say “thunderstorms.”

As our friend over at Deliverance notes, “plain talk is easily understood.”

A trip down memory lane…here is a book that I read several times back in grade school in the 70s. It’s stuck in my mind all these years. The title is “Lizard Music,” by Daniel Pinkwater, and the name is an accurate description, and the book is absolutely bizarre - in a very cool way. A young lad is left home alone, and while staying up late and watching TV, he finds a channel that features a jazz band made up of lizards. Yes, real lizards. Seriously. He goes in search of said lizards, encounters an odd old man who has a chicken in his hat, and embarks on a journey to an invisible island inhabited by lizards who all share the same name. I re-read it about 10 years ago and was amused, both at the novelty of the book so many years later, as well as the “dated” aspect of it. I still recommended it for young readers.

Some words are, simply, just inherently funny. Why? Well, there are some theories, and not just about words, but also numbers, consonants, and sounds, and other ticklers. And while the word “goose” is likely my #1 laugh-inducing word, I’d have to say that “duck” is in the Top Ten…and not just because of my American-bred sense of whimsy:

…after conducting a scientific cross-cultural joke experiment known as LaughLab, psychologist Richard Wiseman concluded that ducks are funny in all the studied countries: “If you’re going to tell a joke involving an animal, make it a duck.”

So there: scientific evidence that my sense of humor is provably on-target!

I consider myself to be relatively smart when it comes to words: spelling, meaning, usage, and such. So I was quite surprised to find out that the word “scumbag” is actually a reference to…well, a condom. It does make sense, now that I’ve read about it. But it’s odd that this word is tossed around as much as it is, given the “former” meaning.

1. How many freakin’ times do we have to encounter people who confuse YOUR and YOU’RE? People, this is absolutely ridiculous. Please, please: do your part to educate these poor unfortunate souls. Link to this handy little quiz, print it out for co-workers, and spread the word. Seriously.

2. Have you ever heard someone say ACROSSED when they mean to say ACROSS? The “t” sound in ACROSSED is usually faint, so you sometimes wonder if you actually heard it. But I’ve noticed it too many times for it to be simply not hearing correctly. Sigh.

Here is yet another word that I find to be inexplicably funny: PLUMP. I also find the word POUCH to be somewhat humorous, but not in the same way as PLUMP, PIGEON, and FEXOFENADINE. Go figure.

“Saluti a tutti i miei amici in Italia! Il vostro paese è uno degli più affascinanti e belle nell’intero mondo; la vostra storia è stupefacente. La mia sorella e la sua famiglia in tensione in Italia ora e stanno godendola molto. Spero di visitare il vostro paese bello un certo giorno!”

(via Digg) This is really, really cool: an on-the-fly translator that uses AJAX to almost instantly translate the text that you type. Available languages (so far) are English, Spanish, German, Italian, Portugese, and French. Go try it!

Uh…hold on. When I went back to the site and entered the Italian text above to see how it would translate back to English, this is what I got: “Salutes to all my friends in Italy! Your country is one of the more beautiful fascinating and in the entire world; your history is narcotic. My sister and its family in tension in Italy hour and are enjoying it a lot. I hope to visit your beautiful country a sure day!” Interesting.

My mom, who recently retired as an OR nurse, gave me more “Truth In Labeling” names for physicians: “There was a urologist in St. Pete by the name of Dr. Insoft. Also podiatrist by the name of Dr. Corn.” Anyone else know of similar situations?

We all love a good catch-phrase. It’s a cultural reference, a touchstone, something to hang our hats on, so to speak, and signifies to our audience that we we’re in on it, we get the gag, we know what’s going on. But some of our most beloved catch-phrases become a bit too familiar, and somehow become just ever-so-slightly mis-stated. To wit:
“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto.”
“Houston, we have a problem.”
“Elementary, my dear Watson.”
“Beam me up, Scotty!”
“If the glove does not fit, you must acquit.”

Another word that I really like: kibble. That goes into the “Words That Make Me Smile and/or Giggle” category, along with pigeon, fluffy, fexofenadine, goose, and…what else? Hm…drawing a blank…surely there are other words that elicit the same reaction, but I can’t think of any right now.